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Hot in Cleveland is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.

2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:06,789
Guess what Madonna, Jamie Lee Curtis, and I

3
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:07,790
have in common.

4
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Slept with Warren Beatty?

5
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- No.
- Peaked in the '80s?

6
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No, stop guessing.

7
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We're all celebrities

8
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who are also children's book writers.

9
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You've written a children's book?

10
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"Have written," "will write,"
what's the difference?

11
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The important thing is,
we're doing this together.

12
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You want me to work on your book with you?

13
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Work with me, work instead of me,

14
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what's the difference?

15
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You know what? I'm in.

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I've always wanted to write
a children's book.

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Oh, I used to love
making up stories for my kids.

18
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Oh, me too.

19
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My favorite was, "mommy loved you"

20
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"in the school play,

21
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"but you didn't see me

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because I was in the very last row."

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Oh, I told that one again and again.

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Oh, my God.

25
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I just found out my sister's
coming to Cleveland.

26
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You have a sister?

27
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She's been a nun for the last 20 years.

28
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She's nothing like me.

29
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Well, you both spend
a lot of time on your knees.

30
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Actually, she's decided
to leave the convent.

31
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Wow, that's gonna be
a big adjustment for her

32
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out in the real world.

33
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Poor, poor Jill.

34
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She's always been a bit of a mess.

35
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Clumsy and mousy,

36
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looking to her beautiful, glamorous sister

37
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for protection.

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Oh, the beautiful and glamorous

39
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do bear a lot of responsibility.

40
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You know, responsibility
was actually the theme

41
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of my radio show yesterday.

42
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- Did anybody hear it?
- I did.

43
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But you didn't see me

44
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because I was in the very last row.

45
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As your assistant,
I'm running out of excuses

46
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for why you're not
at city council meetings.

47
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What did you tell them today?

48
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That you were on a fact-finding mission

49
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to find the best beer in Cleveland.

50
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Well, you weren't lying.

51
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Well, everyone's excited
about the party you're hosting

52
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for our sister city in england,

53
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and you know what's fascinating?

54
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Our sister city is also called Cleveland.

55
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I do know what's fascinating,

56
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and that isn't it.

57
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Now, the guest of honor
is the Earl of Cleveland.

58
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We need to go over protocol,

59
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so you don't create
another international incident,

60
00:02:18,252 --> 00:02:20,886
like you did with
that German mayor last month.

61
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What incident? I was making a joke.

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You put a comb under your nose

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and goose-stepped behind him.

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I may have been testing beer that day too.

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Elka, mamie sue,

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this is my sister Jill.

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- May we?
- Of course.

68
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This is from that gentleman at the bar.

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Wow.

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Men have always found you irresistible.

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Probably 'cause she doesn't resist.

72
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Actually, growing up,

73
00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:02,711
even if she was with a boy she liked,

74
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she'd always look out for me.

75
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But any time I took a tumble,

76
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:07,933
she'd be right there to pick me up,

77
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dust me off, and say,
"on your feet, cabbage,"

78
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and then she'd punch whoever laughed at me

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in the throat.

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May I ask why you quit being a nun?

81
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Is it because you're a flibbertigibbet,

82
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a will-o'-the-wisp, a clown?

83
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I didn't feel I had the calling anymore,

84
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so I left.

85
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I bet that raised a lot of eyebrow.

86
00:03:34,161 --> 00:03:37,796
What? Am I the only one who sees it?

87
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Elka, that is exactly the kind of joke

88
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you can't make at the party
for the Earl of Cleveland.

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The Earl of Cleveland is coming here?

90
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Percy Lennox-Gordon.
47th in line to the throne.

91
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Would you like to come to the party

92
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we're throwing for him?

93
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Yes! And who knows?

94
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Maybe he sees me. I see him.

95
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One thing leads to another,

96
00:03:59,186 --> 00:04:01,353
and 46 unfortunate accidents later,

97
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I'm queen of england.

98
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I don't think I want to come.

99
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I'm not very good at parties.

100
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Oh, poor Jill.

101
00:04:09,913 --> 00:04:11,697
I'll make sure you have a good time.

102
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You can borrow my clothes,

103
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and maybe we can take care
of some of this too.

104
00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:18,870
Elka and I are going to the beauty salon.

105
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You can come with us.

106
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That's a great idea.

107
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I almost became a nun,

108
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but then I learned that those big hats

109
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don't really make you fly,
even on a really windy day.

110
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And I liked sex with men.

111
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Okay, even though it's a children's book,

112
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there is a lot to do.

113
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Once we come up with our idea,

114
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we're gonna have to do an outline,

115
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first draft, second draft,

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and then we should be done in six months.

117
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That's great. It's due Monday.

118
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What?

119
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And the editor's coming by today

120
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to see what we've got.

121
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- What?
- Don't act surprised.

122
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We've had a whole year
to come up with something.

123
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What?

124
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:04,416
You have had a whole year?

125
00:05:04,418 --> 00:05:06,835
No, we have had a whole year.

126
00:05:06,887 --> 00:05:09,338
I told him that I've had
a collaborator all this time,

127
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you know, to put him at ease.

128
00:05:10,924 --> 00:05:14,476
He thinks that actors are lazy
and unreliable.

129
00:05:14,511 --> 00:05:17,312
When will that stereotype end?

130
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Is Jill back from her makeover?

131
00:05:19,099 --> 00:05:21,566
- No, not yet.
- Poor thing.

132
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Hope she's not expecting a miracle.

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- How do I look?
- Whoa.

134
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Oh, my goodness. Jill!

135
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Joy, dear, you'll want to see this.

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Holy...

137
00:05:56,553 --> 00:05:57,519
Synced and corrected by oykubuyuk
www.addic7ed.com

138
00:05:57,554 --> 00:05:58,687
Hello, all.

139
00:05:58,722 --> 00:06:00,639
- Where's Joy?
- Coming!

140
00:06:04,144 --> 00:06:06,395
Oh, my. What did the doctor say?

141
00:06:06,447 --> 00:06:07,979
Oh, it's not bad.

142
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,115
Just have to use this for a couple of days.

143
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,317
Remember when we were kids
and I'd follow you

144
00:06:12,369 --> 00:06:14,286
wherever you went on my scooter?

145
00:06:14,321 --> 00:06:17,155
Now you have the scooter.
It's like we've swapped places.

146
00:06:17,157 --> 00:06:19,708
It's funny, isn't it?

147
00:06:19,743 --> 00:06:21,543
Yes, very funny.

148
00:06:25,966 --> 00:06:28,216
That's not your normal laugh.

149
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Yes, it is.

150
00:06:36,677 --> 00:06:41,062
Now, Elka, here's a list
of the British dignitaries.

151
00:06:41,098 --> 00:06:42,180
Whoa.

152
00:06:42,182 --> 00:06:44,516
These are some goofy names.

153
00:06:44,568 --> 00:06:48,069
Elka, class and rank
are incredibly important

154
00:06:48,105 --> 00:06:50,906
to British nobility.

155
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Let's say there's a tornado,

156
00:06:52,743 --> 00:06:55,827
and you're with a baron
and a gentleman of the gentry.

157
00:06:55,863 --> 00:06:58,079
Who do you bring to the storm cellar?

158
00:06:58,115 --> 00:07:00,582
- The baron.
- Correct.

159
00:07:00,617 --> 00:07:03,201
Have you been studying?

160
00:07:03,203 --> 00:07:04,503
No.

161
00:07:04,538 --> 00:07:06,705
I'm just not spending a night in a basement

162
00:07:06,707 --> 00:07:08,874
with a gentleman.

163
00:07:13,046 --> 00:07:14,713
I'm so nervous.

164
00:07:14,715 --> 00:07:18,183
You know, in the convent,
flirting was frowned upon.

165
00:07:18,218 --> 00:07:21,636
Actually, frowning was frowned upon.

166
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Poor Jill. Poor, poor Jill.

167
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Where are our drinks?

168
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I'll go check.

169
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:33,198
Hello.

170
00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:34,566
Can I buy you a drink?

171
00:07:42,042 --> 00:07:42,991
What the...

172
00:07:43,043 --> 00:07:45,577
oh!

173
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Oh, God! It's filthy.

174
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,050
All those men were fighting over

175
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who could buy me a drink.

176
00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:56,471
Oh, what happened to your eye?

177
00:07:56,507 --> 00:07:59,224
I got lemon juice and grease in it.

178
00:07:59,259 --> 00:08:01,726
Oh, poor Joy.

179
00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:04,596
Poor, poor Joy.

180
00:08:12,072 --> 00:08:14,155
Wonderful evening.

181
00:08:14,191 --> 00:08:17,108
Have you ever had five men buy you drinks?

182
00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:20,946
Please, I've had six, often seven.

183
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,251
Just let me do the talking.

184
00:08:26,286 --> 00:08:29,621
I've flirted my way
out of dozens of tickets.

185
00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:38,463
What seems to be the problem, officer?

186
00:08:38,465 --> 00:08:40,682
Your blinker's been on
for the last 5 Miles.

187
00:08:40,717 --> 00:08:42,434
I'm sorry, officer.

188
00:08:42,469 --> 00:08:43,802
We're trying to get to the hospital

189
00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:45,020
for my poor sister's eye.

190
00:08:45,055 --> 00:08:47,188
Wow, you have a beautiful accent.

191
00:08:47,224 --> 00:08:50,926
- Oh.
- We have the exact same accent.

192
00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:52,794
Would you like an escort to the hospital?

193
00:08:52,796 --> 00:08:54,112
No, we're fine.

194
00:08:54,147 --> 00:08:56,381
We have an excellent navigation system.

195
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,116
I'll let you go with a warning,

196
00:08:58,151 --> 00:08:59,851
but drive safe, okay?

197
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:03,138
You're carrying precious cargo.

198
00:09:06,977 --> 00:09:10,612
Did I just flirt my way out of your ticket?

199
00:09:11,648 --> 00:09:14,399
Thrilling.

200
00:09:14,451 --> 00:09:16,234
You don't seem very happy for me.

201
00:09:16,286 --> 00:09:17,652
Of course I am,

202
00:09:17,654 --> 00:09:19,988
although, thinking about it,

203
00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:22,040
being hot isn't for everyone,

204
00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:24,459
which makes me wonder if, on some level,

205
00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:26,828
you wouldn't be happier
back in the convent.

206
00:09:26,830 --> 00:09:29,080
But I don't want to go back to the convent.

207
00:09:29,132 --> 00:09:30,131
I'm having fun.

208
00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:33,418
Maybe, but it doesn't suit you.

209
00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,805
Oh, my goodness, you're jealous

210
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,809
'cause I'm blossoming and you're wilting.

211
00:09:40,844 --> 00:09:42,510
You just can't stand the idea

212
00:09:42,562 --> 00:09:45,180
of not being the prettiest woman
in the room.

213
00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:46,514
Well, you know what?

214
00:09:46,516 --> 00:09:49,150
You're not even
the prettiest woman in this car.

215
00:09:49,186 --> 00:09:53,438
That couldn't be further from the truth!

216
00:09:57,485 --> 00:09:58,684
Okay, look, the editor's
gonna be here any minute.

217
00:09:58,686 --> 00:09:59,936
We still don't have an idea for this book.

218
00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:01,904
Don't panic. Maybe he'll be late.

219
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:04,490
Oh, my God, he's not late.

220
00:10:04,526 --> 00:10:05,858
And the advance he gave us was huge,

221
00:10:05,910 --> 00:10:07,160
and we've already spent it.

222
00:10:07,195 --> 00:10:09,078
What? I didn't get any money.

223
00:10:09,114 --> 00:10:10,913
You've only been working here a day.

224
00:10:10,949 --> 00:10:12,782
Don't get greedy.

225
00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:16,419
You know what? I'll stall him.

226
00:10:17,153 --> 00:10:19,153
Anderson, how lovely to see you.

227
00:10:19,205 --> 00:10:20,905
This is my collaborator, Melanie.

228
00:10:20,907 --> 00:10:22,540
- Hello.
- Listen.

229
00:10:22,575 --> 00:10:24,041
We could do that whole dance,

230
00:10:24,077 --> 00:10:26,661
but let me just bottom-line this for you.

231
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,045
Melanie and I just need a little...

232
00:10:28,081 --> 00:10:30,214
Victoria, you better not be asking

233
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:31,465
for another extension.

234
00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:33,885
You and Melanie have had two years.

235
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,254
Two?

236
00:10:36,256 --> 00:10:39,307
Extension, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

237
00:10:39,342 --> 00:10:41,392
Delay this idea that is going to change

238
00:10:41,427 --> 00:10:43,394
children's literature forever?

239
00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:45,763
If anything, we need less time.

240
00:10:45,765 --> 00:10:47,515
Fantastic.

241
00:10:47,567 --> 00:10:49,150
I want to hear it after I take this.

242
00:10:49,185 --> 00:10:50,651
- Is there a place I can...
- Oh, yes.

243
00:10:50,687 --> 00:10:51,903
Right down here.

244
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:54,188
Just take your time,
and while you're at it,

245
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,606
you might want to tighten your socks,

246
00:10:55,658 --> 00:10:57,775
because they're about to get knocked off.

247
00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:01,445
Why did you tell him
that we have a great idea?

248
00:11:01,447 --> 00:11:02,613
Honey, what do you think,

249
00:11:02,665 --> 00:11:04,115
one's just gonna walk in the front door?

250
00:11:04,117 --> 00:11:05,333
And now, thanks to you,

251
00:11:05,368 --> 00:11:09,453
I have to wear this stupid eye patch.

252
00:11:09,505 --> 00:11:11,589
It's not my fault. Face it.

253
00:11:11,624 --> 00:11:13,090
You liked me when I was mousy,

254
00:11:13,126 --> 00:11:15,593
and now that that's changed,
you can't handle it.

255
00:11:15,628 --> 00:11:16,844
Nonsense!

256
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,046
All I've ever been
is a protective big sister.

257
00:11:19,098 --> 00:11:21,515
Then how come when you had
an eyebrow-waxing business,

258
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,718
you never got rid of my unibrow?

259
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,186
Why would you want me to?

260
00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:27,054
So you could be sexy for God?

261
00:11:27,106 --> 00:11:29,106
That's sick.

262
00:11:32,061 --> 00:11:34,478
So tell me the idea.

263
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,781
It's a story about two sisters,

264
00:11:36,816 --> 00:11:38,783
Joy and Jill.

265
00:11:38,818 --> 00:11:42,153
One was mousy her whole life

266
00:11:42,205 --> 00:11:44,372
because she was a mouse.

267
00:11:44,407 --> 00:11:45,656
Ah!

268
00:11:45,658 --> 00:11:47,158
They're both mice,

269
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,076
and the other mouse
was always the beautiful one.

270
00:11:49,128 --> 00:11:52,463
Right, but then, they switched.

271
00:11:52,498 --> 00:11:53,998
Sounds interesting.

272
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:58,169
You know, mice do well in focus groups.

273
00:11:58,221 --> 00:11:59,804
Melanie and I are artists.

274
00:11:59,839 --> 00:12:01,555
We don't cater to focus groups.

275
00:12:01,591 --> 00:12:03,090
And how does your story end?

276
00:12:03,142 --> 00:12:08,646
Well, what kind of endings
do focus groups like?

277
00:12:08,681 --> 00:12:12,066
The kind that are in my hand by Monday.

278
00:12:12,101 --> 00:12:15,519
Then you will have it by Sunday.

279
00:12:17,607 --> 00:12:20,691
What is wrong with you?

280
00:12:23,363 --> 00:12:25,830
I'm ready. How do I look?

281
00:12:25,865 --> 00:12:28,499
Oh, you'll be
the prettiest mouse at the ball.

282
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:29,750
What do you mean, mouse?

283
00:12:29,786 --> 00:12:30,918
Uh, nothing.

284
00:12:33,923 --> 00:12:35,339
Sounds like Elka's ready to go.

285
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:36,624
- Do you need a lift?
- No, no, no.

286
00:12:36,676 --> 00:12:38,759
We're gonna wait for Joy.
You go ahead without us.

287
00:12:41,297 --> 00:12:44,265
So the newly beautiful mouse
headed off to the ball.

288
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,050
It's almost too easy.

289
00:12:46,102 --> 00:12:48,853
Now, what's our ending?

290
00:12:48,888 --> 00:12:51,055
We'll find out at the ball.
The Earl is there.

291
00:12:51,107 --> 00:12:52,556
The two sisters will vie for him,

292
00:12:52,608 --> 00:12:55,893
and then whatever happens,
that's the ending to our book.

293
00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:57,895
What?

294
00:12:57,897 --> 00:12:59,063
No. No, no, no, no.

295
00:12:59,115 --> 00:13:00,197
You can't let a little thing

296
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:03,784
like a scooter and an eye patch stop you.

297
00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:06,153
How about this?

298
00:13:08,741 --> 00:13:10,074
I knocked my crown out

299
00:13:10,076 --> 00:13:12,326
trying to open my eye drops bottle.

300
00:13:14,914 --> 00:13:16,080
You cannot give up.

301
00:13:16,082 --> 00:13:17,832
This would be a terrible ending.

302
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:20,084
Where would Cinderella be
if she'd stayed home

303
00:13:20,086 --> 00:13:21,469
and felt sorry for herself

304
00:13:21,504 --> 00:13:23,754
when her sister
was off having fun at the ball?

305
00:13:23,806 --> 00:13:26,757
Look at me. I'm hardly Cinderella.

306
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,931
Victoria, she's right.

307
00:13:33,983 --> 00:13:36,267
Jill is the one that got beautiful.

308
00:13:36,269 --> 00:13:39,153
Oh, that's true. You've had your time.

309
00:13:39,188 --> 00:13:40,438
Jill's Cinderella now.

310
00:13:40,490 --> 00:13:41,689
Shut up!

311
00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:44,275
I'm Cinderella, and I'm going to the ball.

312
00:13:44,277 --> 00:13:45,743
I just need you to help me

313
00:13:45,778 --> 00:13:47,578
look pretty enough to capture a nobleman.

314
00:13:50,616 --> 00:13:53,000
No problem.

315
00:13:53,036 --> 00:13:55,870
This is gonna be harder
than writing the book.

316
00:13:59,435 --> 00:14:02,353
The Earl of Cleveland
is going to be here any second.

317
00:14:02,405 --> 00:14:05,406
I hope you memorized the names
of the dignitaries.

318
00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:06,407
Oh, don't worry.

319
00:14:06,442 --> 00:14:09,860
I made a cheat sheet.

320
00:14:09,912 --> 00:14:11,529
- Oh, no.
- What?

321
00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:15,116
These are my football picks.

322
00:14:15,168 --> 00:14:17,251
Elka, what were you thinking?

323
00:14:17,286 --> 00:14:20,788
I know. Ravens plus three?

324
00:14:23,042 --> 00:14:24,592
Here they come.

325
00:14:24,627 --> 00:14:26,794
- Oh, I'm screwed.
- Don't panic.

326
00:14:26,846 --> 00:14:29,463
The Earl has to introduce
his people to you.

327
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:32,383
Just pay attention and repeat what he says.

328
00:14:32,435 --> 00:14:34,802
Councilwoman Ostrovsky, a pleasure.

329
00:14:34,854 --> 00:14:36,854
The members of my party:

330
00:14:36,889 --> 00:14:38,856
Chief magistrate Martin Portreeve,

331
00:14:38,891 --> 00:14:40,975
lieutenant colonel
Rodson Heathcote-Drummond,

332
00:14:40,977 --> 00:14:42,643
the honorable Martin Gled-heweson,

333
00:14:42,695 --> 00:14:43,978
bishop of Lichfield,

334
00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:48,315
lord keeper of the privy seal
Lemonde Oswolf-sticket.

335
00:14:55,992 --> 00:15:00,461
Everyone, please welcome
the Earl of Cleveland.

336
00:15:02,215 --> 00:15:08,135
And with him plaidsy,

337
00:15:08,171 --> 00:15:10,804
war man,

338
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,091
churchie, and...

339
00:15:14,143 --> 00:15:16,393
Lemony snicket.

340
00:15:26,856 --> 00:15:28,689
I believe we're going to have great fun

341
00:15:28,741 --> 00:15:29,690
doing business together.

342
00:15:31,327 --> 00:15:33,277
Gentlemen, please.

343
00:15:33,329 --> 00:15:35,996
You did it, Elka. You're a hero.

344
00:15:36,032 --> 00:15:38,616
Oh, save it for the real heroes,

345
00:15:38,668 --> 00:15:42,286
the ravens, if they cover the spread.

346
00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:46,090
Oh, you look so beautiful.

347
00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:47,958
Your eye patch matches your gown.

348
00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:50,544
Your gown covers the wheels
on your orthopedic boot,

349
00:15:50,546 --> 00:15:52,429
and the super glue is holding perfectly

350
00:15:52,465 --> 00:15:53,964
on your dead tooth.

351
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:57,718
I feel so glamorous.

352
00:15:57,770 --> 00:16:00,688
Damn it. Jill's already with the Earl.

353
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:01,689
Look at her over there,

354
00:16:01,724 --> 00:16:05,142
shamelessly flirting with him.

355
00:16:05,194 --> 00:16:06,644
Maybe I should just go home.

356
00:16:06,696 --> 00:16:08,729
No, you can't. That's quitter talk.

357
00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:09,947
If you don't go down fighting,

358
00:16:09,982 --> 00:16:11,115
what does that do for us?

359
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:15,035
Who look up to you.

360
00:16:15,071 --> 00:16:16,320
What's the use?

361
00:16:16,372 --> 00:16:17,738
Look, he's already interested in...

362
00:16:22,962 --> 00:16:23,911
Hello.

363
00:16:23,963 --> 00:16:26,080
You move like an angel,

364
00:16:26,082 --> 00:16:28,382
as if you were floating across the room.

365
00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:32,086
Thank you for remarking
on my grace, your grace.

366
00:16:32,138 --> 00:16:34,922
Ah. Beluga, my favorite.

367
00:16:34,924 --> 00:16:37,424
- I simply adore beluga.
- I adore it more.

368
00:16:37,476 --> 00:16:38,926
Mm-hmm.

369
00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:44,014
Delicious.

370
00:16:44,066 --> 00:16:46,934
Poor child, have you never had caviar?

371
00:16:46,936 --> 00:16:49,436
You must be so sheltered and naive.

372
00:16:49,438 --> 00:16:51,438
Well, I'm certainly not as worldly

373
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,107
and experienced as some.

374
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:54,858
Perhaps the Earl would like to hear a story

375
00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:56,610
of a woman who's been ridden by more men

376
00:16:56,612 --> 00:16:58,746
than the London underground.

377
00:16:58,781 --> 00:17:02,616
Or perhaps the Earl would like
to see a recent photo

378
00:17:02,618 --> 00:17:05,953
of a woman with a mustache.

379
00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:08,756
I'm not sure that I would, actually.

380
00:17:08,791 --> 00:17:10,507
Who do you want the Earl to end up with,

381
00:17:10,543 --> 00:17:12,126
Joy mouse or Jill mouse?

382
00:17:12,178 --> 00:17:13,761
Of course I'm rooting for Joy.

383
00:17:13,796 --> 00:17:15,596
Well, obviously I'm rooting for Joy too.

384
00:17:15,631 --> 00:17:17,965
- But it's gonna be Jill.
- Totally.

385
00:17:17,967 --> 00:17:19,550
I mean, we're writing a children's book,

386
00:17:19,602 --> 00:17:23,304
not how Joy mouse got her groove back.

387
00:17:23,356 --> 00:17:27,441
And then I said, "middleton?
I thought you said wimbledon."

388
00:17:29,729 --> 00:17:31,028
Reminds me of the time I was invited

389
00:17:31,063 --> 00:17:32,029
to the duchess of...

390
00:17:32,064 --> 00:17:33,030
oh.

391
00:17:33,065 --> 00:17:34,031
What?

392
00:17:34,066 --> 00:17:36,734
Do I have something on my tooth?

393
00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:39,620
No, quite the opposite, actually.

394
00:17:39,655 --> 00:17:43,207
Seems you have a tooth on your something.

395
00:17:43,242 --> 00:17:46,210
Oh. Excuse me, won't you?

396
00:17:58,224 --> 00:17:59,556
Goodness.

397
00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:02,559
That woman's a bit
of a disaster, isn't she?

398
00:18:02,595 --> 00:18:05,396
Perhaps you and I could go somewhere

399
00:18:05,431 --> 00:18:07,231
a little more private.

400
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:12,353
I'd love to,

401
00:18:12,355 --> 00:18:14,571
but that disaster is my sister,

402
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,490
and she needs my help.

403
00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:18,609
Would you excuse me?

404
00:18:18,661 --> 00:18:20,327
- Honey, are you all right?
- Are you hurt?

405
00:18:20,363 --> 00:18:23,247
I'm fine, just hideously embarrassed.

406
00:18:23,282 --> 00:18:26,617
- Let me help.
- Jill, what about the Earl?

407
00:18:26,669 --> 00:18:28,085
You took a tumble.

408
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,504
It's my turn to pick you up
and dust you off.

409
00:18:30,539 --> 00:18:32,206
On your feet, cabbage.

410
00:18:32,258 --> 00:18:34,425
She looks like a pirate.

411
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:36,543
All that's missing
is a parrot on her shoulder.

412
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:40,848
All that's missing
is my fist in your throat.

413
00:18:40,883 --> 00:18:43,884
Jill, that's so sweet.

414
00:18:45,855 --> 00:18:48,355
Let's save the smiles
till we get home, shall we?

415
00:18:48,391 --> 00:18:51,024
Thank you.

416
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:53,360
There's the end of our story:

417
00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:55,362
The sisters choose each other.

418
00:18:55,398 --> 00:18:58,615
Oh, I love the way we write.

419
00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:04,413
Thanks again for leaving the Earl for me.

420
00:19:04,448 --> 00:19:06,782
Oh, well, there are dozens of royals,

421
00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:08,784
but I only have one sister,

422
00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:11,169
and there'll be other men.

423
00:19:11,205 --> 00:19:13,672
Please tell me sex is better than caviar.

424
00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:15,757
They're both better with vodka.

425
00:19:21,215 --> 00:19:25,133
But if I could offer a piece
of big sister advice,

426
00:19:25,185 --> 00:19:28,186
when it comes to men, be patient.

427
00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:30,188
You may have to kiss a lot frogs

428
00:19:30,224 --> 00:19:32,858
before you find your prince.

429
00:19:32,893 --> 00:19:34,192
Pardon me.

430
00:19:34,228 --> 00:19:36,228
Or not.

431
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,231
I believe you left your boot wheel behind.

432
00:19:39,283 --> 00:19:41,700
Oh, Joy, it's like Cinderella.

433
00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:45,153
Oh, sweetie,
I don't think he's here for me.

434
00:19:45,205 --> 00:19:48,073
Yes, while you're both
extremely charming women...

435
00:19:48,125 --> 00:19:51,743
- you don't have to.
- Right.

436
00:19:51,745 --> 00:19:54,045
I thought it was very lovely
the way you left the party early

437
00:19:54,081 --> 00:19:55,130
to take care of your sister,

438
00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,833
but I wanted to get to know you better.

439
00:19:57,885 --> 00:20:02,587
Would you consider joining me for a drink?

440
00:20:02,639 --> 00:20:03,638
I'd love to.

441
00:20:03,674 --> 00:20:05,423
Ooh, would you give me a minute?

442
00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:07,843
- I'll meet you by the car.
- Of course.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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